Dear Google:

We have heard that your name is an acronym for Giving Outstanding Opportunities for the Good Life in Evanston. While your fiber optics will ramp up the speed and eliminate the potholes on our information highway, we hope you will also help us enhance life in the slow lanes around town.

In the spirit of tomorrow’s holiday, we have a few modest proposals to help you fulfill your mission of improving our quality of life.

Street-Sweeping Pop-Ups: With the confusing new schedule for street-sweeping, we could use an individual notification system about when each resident’s street will be swept. If not pop-ups, how about “virtual stickies,” to remind us to get out of the way? Warnings about parking-meter violations and snow-emergency parking would be welcome add-ons.

• Personal Sound “Damplifiers”: 

Your position on the cutting edge must give you the expertise to cancel the obnoxious ambient sounds of leaf-blowers, boom-boxes and VRADs. Each of us would then be able to Google merrily within a cone of silence.

• Spam Filter: Will the net work to keep out the pests that plague us from Asian carp to zebra mussels – while also trapping West-Nile-virus-bearing mosquitoes and tree-killing ash-borers, elm-bark beetles and longhorned beetles?

• Mission Support: Your light could shine on the RoundTable’s mission, to search for truth and the finest chocolate.

Evanston has a lot to offer in return. We could g-mail our friends while riding the commuter rails behind your search engine and confer on you the cachet of the naming rights to the new performing arts center you could endow– the Evanston GooglePlex.

Your friends @ evanstononapril1.com.