Congratulations to the City Council, all nine aldermen, for wisdom and rare unanimity in giving a preliminary approval to a 50-story high-rise apartment building to be erected near downtown. Finally, some good news is on the economic horizon. The next step for the developer is to appear in front of the Planning Commission whose members, privately, expressed their support of the project.
The exact location has not yet been determined, as the slender tower will have a minimal footprint and an underground garage several floors deep. Normally such a deep basement would be prohibitively expensive, but a new system of excavating and water-sealing, imported from China, makes it economically feasible.
The exact location is immaterial since the shape of the tower will fit practically any lot. First, it is fluid; second, it revolves. The fluidity permits the floor plan to react to environmental conditions: Expansion and contraction will depend on the sun’s angles and intensity. Thus, on a gloomy day, the apartment will contract just enough to stay comfortable and cozy.
The tower will also rotate, each floor at a different speed, depending on each owner’s preference. This is made possible by the invention of a new piping material and joints recently invented by a Swedish mechanical engineer.
Each apartment will have a balcony that can be retrieved simply by pushing a button regardless of the positions of the tower’s other balconies. This will create not only a varied, exciting pattern, but also an entirely unpredictable one, making the downtown Chicago building by architect Jean Gang look dated.
The entire building is planned for handicapped-accessibility, using the building’s own air-cushioned, levitating “wheel chairs” – actually air chairs – a recent invention imported from the UK.
The Council was overwhelmed by the exciting possibility of having this pioneering design in Evanston; even the local alderman gave it a preliminary nod, holding her final approval based on the exact location.
The business community is totally delighted with the prospect and meetings are being planned to issue an “Evanston Restaurant” credit card unique to the town. Under this plan, the customer will be able to place an order in the morning for a custom-cooked meal to be delivered at dinnertime and served in the customer’s apartment.
That is just one of the proposed innovations by the Chamber of Commerce. Other services under consideration are drivers, maids, home-schooling teachers, physical therapists and more.
This writer strongly supports the pioneering project, though it is entirely fictional, the product of his imagination. Hopefully, readers will receive it in the same spirit of jest, as it is offered so close to the first of April.
EDITOR’S NOTE 3.31.11: THIS IS AN APRIL FOOLS STORY