I’m in my sixties. Not long ago my friend lost her husband suddenly and is very unhappy. She says she wishes she appreciated him more. My husband is very much alive, on the couch, watching sports, and getting crumbs on the coffee table. So why can’t I appreciate him?
Because you’re normal.
My 16-year-old daughter thinks she is the boss, and not just any boss, but one who rules by fear and intimidation. I am worried about her ever finding a date, let alone a spouse, because who will put up with that? I know as a feminist I am supposed to applaud her “leadership qualities,” and that it will stand her in good stead, blah blah blah, but I find myself often wishing she was about to leave for college rather than my older daughter. How guilty should I feel?
Shame, shame, shame
I have two stories to tell you. Of all my husband’s cousins, I have a favorite. Let’s call him John. When I first got to know the family, I said to his stepmother, “John is such a great guy, he must have been such a great, fun kid!” and she looked me dead in the eye and said, “Are you kidding me? He was horrible.” Another time, I said to the mother of a woman I really, really admired, “she must have been such a cool kid in high school!” And again, the mom exclaimed, “I could not WAIT for her to leave!!!”
This is all to say that you should feel no guilt whatsoever. The object here is not to have perfect children but to live long enough to see your children get their shit together! To morph from the selfish narcissists (fill in the blank here with any other adjectives that apply, like, for instance, felon) that they can be to the lovely (God willing) adults that they are going to become. So take your blood pressure meds, watch the cholesterol, and get the cataracts removed. In the game of parenting, it’s easy to be short-sighted, but you’re in it for the long haul.
How much should I tip my hairstylist?
Much ado about a do
That all depends on how much you love your hairstylist, who in my opinion, is worth their weight in Covid vaccines. At the very minimum, I would say 15-20%, but I have been known to tip about 40%. Of course one thing that you should know about me is that I am very cheap and won’t pay a lot for a haircut, so 40% of cheap is still pretty inexpensive. If you get a cheapie cut, tip big. If you get an expensive cut, tip well. I believe some salon owners won’t take a tip, but by then you’re usually in nosebleed territory. I believe a good hairstylist is an artist, a masseuse, a therapist, and often an oracle of wisdom, all in one. When you find one you love, tip big if you are able. The last thing you want is growing resentment in someone who has sharp scissors nearby and your head in their hands.
Dear Gabby appears in the RoundTable every Monday. Yes, Gabby is an advice columnist – but not just any advice columnist. Because that would be boring! Gabby combines wisdom with wit. And a pinch of snark. She is not a trained therapist by any means, but has seen and loved many in her day. Her aim is to make you think while she makes you laugh. Gabby welcomes all questions and queries and is only too happy to hear your opinion, no matter how much it may diverge from hers. Write to Gabby at email@example.com.