Already have an account? Sign in

Sign Up

Sign up for our FREE newsletter today and have the latest stories from the Evanston RoundTable delivered directly to your inbox.

OR

By signing up, you agree to our Terms and Conditions.

Thank you for registering!

An account was already registered with this email.
Please check your inbox for an authentication link.

Become a member today!

For over 20 years, the Evanston RoundTable has met the needs of our city through its award-winning journalism. Help us build a sustainable nonprofit source of trustworthy journalism for our community - become a member today!

$
$
$

Your contribution is appreciated.

Sign up for our free newsletter and have the latest stories from the Evanston RoundTable delivered directly to your inbox.

  • Sign In
  • CITY NEWS
  • SCHOOLS
  • ART & LIFE
  • PUBLIC SQUARE
  • SPORTS
  • BUSINESS
  • CALENDAR
  • PHOTOS
  • GET THE NEWSLETTER
  • DONATE NOW!
  • About us
  • Advisory Committee
  • Donate
  • Advertise
  • Join the RoundTable team
  • Evanston History
  • Reparations
  • Evanston Rules
  • Read us on your mobile device
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Twitter
  • RSS
Skip to content
Evanston RoundTable

Evanston RoundTable

Evanston's community newspaper since 1998

Sign In
Posted inArt & Life

Should I Give Him Another Chance?

by Dear Gabby July 1st, 2021October 18th, 2021

Share this:

Sign up for our free newsletter to have Evanston news delivered directly to your inbox every weekday!


Dear Gabby,

I matched with a guy on a dating app and we had a great ongoing convo via text. Then he disappeared. Fast forward six months and we matched again! When we connected, I was like, you’re the guy who ghosted me. Then he apologized and said that he was having some mental health problems and deleted all his dating apps. Should I give him another chance?

Signed,
Should I see a ghost?

Dear Ghost,

I’m gonna err on the side of magnanimity here and say yes! Give the ghost another chance. Why? Mostly because if, by any chance, this is a relationship that sustains itself over time, this will make for a hilarious story at the wedding! Also, and possibly more importantly, because this guy is (or seems like he is) in touch with his feelings enough to openly admit to a mental health struggle. This bodes well for being honest, open and forthright about potentially difficult subjects in the future. Communication is, arguably, 99% of any relationship. Okay, maybe 95%. And lastly, you matched twice, a good sign. He could have disappeared (again) or you could have been angry and resentful. Sounds like you both took it in stride and are willing to see what happens. So see, see, see! If you decided to name your first born after Gabby, I wouldn’t argue. Gabriel, Gabrielle, Bree, G, the possibilities: endless. 


Dear Gabby,

I am going to see my therapist in person for the first time since the pandemic began. We will be getting together outside because she gave up her office. She told me in one of our conversations that the pandemic has been very hard for her in that this is not the way she wants to talk with patients (through a screen/mask). Would it be inappropriate for me to bring her flowers? I would like to make her feel better and thank her for our work together.

Signed,
Is there a therapy etiquette?

Dear Therapy,

First, good for you for seeing a therapist and keeping it up throughout the pandemic! Self-care is so important and you know me, I just adore therapy/therapists. Second, it is very thoughtful of you to think about giving her flowers. But I would parse out your motivation a little bit. If you would like to thank her for your work together, I say go for it. We thank teachers with gifts, we tip our hairdressers and baristas and often give generously come the winter holidays. It is a generous and thoughtful gesture which I think would be lovely.

If, however, you are thinking of giving her flowers to make her feel better, I would say that is not the best reason. Your job is not to take care of her, hers is to take care of you. No doubt, an intimacy develops in these relationships, regardless of how professional they are. However, I’d be concerned if she shares so much with you that it is your instinct to take care of her. That is not the way traditional therapy works. Perhaps it may work well in some circumstances but not any I’m familiar with. But! I’m sure that a thank-you bouquet would be much appreciated. Every therapist would love a client like you!


Dear Gabby, 

Is it hopeless to dream that our phones will be rediscovered as tools to actually talk to someone, you know, voice to voice? My thumbs are so sick of texting, and I’ll spit if I have to do another Facetime or Zoom call. When will the loveliness of staring off into space and sharing/listening to your friend’s deepest thoughts without being distracted by their untweezed eyebrows make a comeback?

Signed,
Hoping

Dear Hoping,

If I knew that, Anthony Fauci would be my errand boy.


Dear Gabby appears in the RoundTable every Monday. Yes, Gabby is an advice columnist – but not just any advice columnist. Because that would be boring! Gabby combines wisdom with wit. And a pinch of snark. She is not a trained therapist by any means, but has seen and loved many in her day. Her aim is to make you think while she makes you laugh. Gabby welcomes all questions and queries and is only too happy to hear your opinion, no matter how much it may diverge from hers. Write to Gabby at news@evanstonroundtable.com.

Become a member of the Roundtable!

Did you know that the Evanston RoundTable is a nonprofit newsroom? Become a member today to support community journalism!

$
$
$

Your contribution is tax-deductible. We appreciate your support!

Dear Gabby

Dear Gabby appears in the RoundTable every Monday. No question is too serious, too silly or too snarly for Gabby, who combines wisdom with wit and a pinch of snark. Her aim is to make you think while she... More by Dear Gabby

Latest News

  • Foster Senior Club members share their stories, jot them down for history January 30th, 2023
  • Northminster Presbyterian Church turns 100 January 30th, 2023
  • Evanston graffiti demands ‘Justice for Tyre’ January 30th, 2023
  • ETHS chess team advances to IHSA State Finals January 30th, 2023
  • Latest news from Evanston: Your Monday daily digest January 30th, 2023

Trending

  • Two reparations recipients haven't used the $25,000 grants, and expiration date looms
  • Empty downtown storefronts: Retail vacancy rate low, but appearances are troubling
  • Downtown Evanston hosts fifth annual Hygge Fest featuring creative workshops, cozy items and festive events
  • As redistricting looms, city hopes to keep 3 nonwhite-majority wards
  • Harley Clarke mansion lease ‘built on quicksand’
  • Letter to the editor: NU, do not ignore stadium's human environmental impact
  • Rent hikes displacing tenants in city's southeast section
  • Walker third graders step up community and unity at Sneaker Ball
  • Picturing Evanston
  • Letter to the editor: Don't let grandiose plans kill Evanston’s magic
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Twitter
  • RSS
  • Home
  • City News
  • Schools
  • Art & Life
  • Public Square
  • Sports
  • Community Calendar
  • Reports & Analyses
  • Obituaries
  • Submit an obituary
  • Podcasts and video
  • Reparations
  • Evanston History
  • Our mission
  • About us
  • Board of Directors
  • Advisory Committee
  • Diversity, equity and inclusion
  • Become a member
  • Get the newsletter
  • Read us on your mobile device
  • Submit a letter to the editor
  • Advertise with us
  • Contact us
  • Evanston RoundTable privacy notice

The Evanston RoundTable is the community’s leading source of news about local government, schools, civic and artistic activities, and other important issues facing our city. We seek to foster civic engagement and empower people to address complex issues facing our diverse community, promoting a better understanding and appreciation of people of all races, ethnicities, and income levels.

Evanston Roundtable
1514 Elmwood Avenue
Suite 2
Evanston, Illinois 60201
847.864.7741

© 2023 Evanston RoundTable Media NFP. Proudly powered by Newspack by Automattic Evanston RoundTable privacy notice
I don't have an account I already have an account

Sign In

We've recently sent you an authentication link. Please, check your inbox!

Sign in with a password below, or sign in using your email.

Get a code sent to your email to sign in, or sign in using a password.

Enter the code you received via email to sign in, or sign in using a password.

Sign in with your email

Lost your password?

Try a different email

Send another code

Sign in with a password

OR

By signing up, you agree to our Terms and Conditions.