• Sign In
  • CITY NEWS
  • SCHOOLS
  • ART & LIFE
  • PUBLIC SQUARE
  • SPORTS
  • BUSINESS
  • CALENDAR
  • PHOTOS
  • GET THE NEWSLETTER
  • DONATE NOW!
  • About us
  • Advisory Committee
  • Donate
  • Advertise
  • Join the RoundTable team
  • Evanston History
  • Reparations
  • Evanston Rules
  • Read us on your mobile device
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Twitter
  • RSS
Skip to content
Evanston RoundTable

Evanston RoundTable

Evanston's community newspaper since 1998

Sign In
Posted inDear Gabby

I never met a grudge I didn’t love

by Dear Gabby October 17th, 2021October 21st, 2021

Share this:

Sign up for our free newsletter to have Evanston news delivered directly to your inbox every weekday!


Dear Gabby,

I am a natural grudge holder so I am trying to become more grateful. But sometimes I just get so angry, I find it hard to get over things. Advice?

Signed,
Grating instead of grateful

Dear grating,

I believe the practice of gratitude is most important when things seem most challenging, not that I’m any expert since, to be honest, I’ve never met a grudge I didn’t love (working on it!). So instead of letting the steam just pour out of your ears, use it to power your engine (Hallmark card, anyone?) …. that kind of thing. I love having a good stew – and I don’t mean gumbo – just like the next guy, but even I have to admit, it’s exhausting. 

So when your mother tells you she always liked your sister better than you, think of it as an opportunity to resent her for the rest of your life be grateful you are so independent and happy on your own. When your boss tells you you’re fired, think of it as an opportunity to bad mouth him all over social media work on your resume-writing skills. And when your husband says he’s having an affair with a 25-year-old, think of it as an opportunity to empty the bank accounts and stash the dough in the Cayman Islands pluck your chin hairs while watching The Bachelor, eating a tub of Chunky Monkey and dancing naked in your living room to Donna Summer. I know, you feel better already. Me too!


Dear Gabby,

My son recently broke up with his girlfriend of five years.  I would like to remain in touch with this woman whom I truly like and feel very close to, but I don’t want my son to feel uncomfortable. I could ask my son’s permission, but part of me says it is outdated to ask his permission to maintain this relationship: like, isn’t this acquiescing to patriarchal control?

Signed,
Missing her

Dear Missing, 

I totally get where you are coming from! It is hard not to get attached to the partners that come and go in our kids’ lives. And five years is a pretty good stretch. 

However! You must defer to your son’s wishes on this one. Not because he is male and you are giving in to patriarchal control, but because you are respectful of your son’s feelings at this (possibly) difficult time. Perhaps the time will come when they will become friends again, he will have sufficiently recovered from the break up or they decide to get back together (but don’t cling to that idea) and you can pick up your friendship with the ex. 

But for now, mourn your loss (quietly!), and keep your distance. Think about how you would have felt if your mom stayed friends with one of your exes. Crappy, right? Maybe you can transfer some of that energy into a care package for your son – some homemade sweets, a great book, the possibilities are endless. Then if there’s money left over, buy yourself a treat, even if it’s just a fancy donut. Sugar has a way of making everything better. Except diabetes of course.  


Dear Gabby,

I am back living at home with my parents because I hit a rough patch. I needed a place to land and they were nice enough to offer me their place. The problem is, every time I come home, I see this picture on the wall that I hate. It’s a picture from a trip we took (me, my sister, my mom and my grandma) which has sentimental value to the four of us (great trip, three generations of women, etc.) but somehow we all look terrible in the photo! I’ve asked my mother to take it down, but she won’t. How can I convince her to take the picture down because no one except my grandma looks good? 

Signed,
Call me vain

Dear Vain,

Ok, I will! Just because you don’t like the photo – we are all highly critical of images of ourselves, no matter what we look like – doesn’t give you the right to tell your mom what she can have on her own wall. It sounds like you’ve made your opinion known and despite that, your mom refused to take it down because, get this, she may love it! 

Now it is your turn to be the grown up, grin and bear it and be grateful that you have at least one record of what sounds like an amazing jaunt with the women in your family. No one is telling you that you have to put it on your wall – and I suspect you wouldn’t like it if someone did. But I would venture to guess that one day, after you realize that vanity – like the pet rock, sea monkeys and the thigh master – serves no one, does nothing and only adds to the clutter of your life, you will.


Dear Gabby appears in the RoundTable every Monday. Yes, Gabby is an advice columnist – but not just any advice columnist. Because that would be boring! Gabby combines wisdom with wit. And a pinch of snark. She is not a trained therapist by any means, but has seen and loved many in her day. Her aim is to make you think while she makes you laugh. Gabby welcomes all questions and queries and is only too happy to hear your opinion, no matter how much it may diverge from hers. Write to Gabby at news@evanstonroundtable.com.

Become a member of the Roundtable!

Did you know that the Evanston RoundTable is a nonprofit newsroom? Become a member today to support community journalism!

$
$
$

Your contribution is tax-deductible. We appreciate your support!

Dear Gabby

Dear Gabby appears in the RoundTable every Monday. No question is too serious, too silly or too snarly for Gabby, who combines wisdom with wit and a pinch of snark. Her aim is to make you think while she... More by Dear Gabby

Latest News

  • NU’s promise for minority jobs helps gather project support February 3rd, 2023
  • EFD puts out fire at 4 Suns Fresh Juice on Main Street February 3rd, 2023
  • Latest news from Evanston: Your Friday daily digest February 3rd, 2023
  • Latest news from Evanston: Your Friday daily digest February 3rd, 2023
  • Reparations Committee to kick off first-ever listening sessions February 3rd, 2023

Trending

  • City struggles with gathering feedback for Fifth Ward school, pointing to a larger problem
  • Car thefts increasing, police warn
  • EFD puts out fire at 4 Suns Fresh Juice on Main Street
  • Les Jacobson: The happiest place on earth
  • Evanston Police charge suspect in Sept. 4 homicide; fundraiser aids victim's family
  • What's next for city's $3 million fund?
  • Citizen Police Review panel sends complaint back to EPD for third review
  • State runners-up from '84 return to share basketball spotlight
  • Winter clothing donations urgently needed for homeless organization
  • Northwestern applies for zoning change to allow concerts at new Ryan Field
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Twitter
  • RSS
  • Home
  • City News
  • Schools
  • Art & Life
  • Public Square
  • Sports
  • Community Calendar
  • Reports & Analyses
  • Obituaries
  • Submit an obituary
  • Podcasts and video
  • Reparations
  • Evanston History
  • Our mission
  • About us
  • Advisory Committee
  • Board of Directors
  • Diversity, equity and inclusion
  • Become a member
  • Get the newsletter
  • Read us on your mobile device
  • Submit a letter to the editor
  • Advertise with us
  • Contact us
  • Evanston RoundTable privacy notice

The Evanston RoundTable is the community’s leading source of news about local government, schools, civic and artistic activities, and other important issues facing our city. We seek to foster civic engagement and empower people to address complex issues facing our diverse community, promoting a better understanding and appreciation of people of all races, ethnicities, and income levels.

Evanston Roundtable
1514 Elmwood Avenue
Suite 2
Evanston, Illinois 60201
847.864.7741

© 2023 Evanston RoundTable Media NFP. Proudly powered by Newspack by Automattic Evanston RoundTable privacy notice
I don't have an account I already have an account

Sign In

We've recently sent you an authentication link. Please, check your inbox!

Sign in with a password below, or sign in using your email.

Get a code sent to your email to sign in, or sign in using a password.

Enter the code you received via email to sign in, or sign in using a password.

Sign in with your email

Lost your password?

Try a different email

Send another code

Sign in with a password

OR

By signing up, you agree to our Terms and Conditions.