Dear Gabby,
If I get one more “my-children-are-wonderful, my-spouse-just-got-promoted, we-traveled-to-Montenegro, aren’t-these-hard-times-hard?” holiday letters, I am going to scream. Didn’t they go out with skinny jeans and cold shoulder t-shirts? Or maybe high waters (now back in, I can’t believe it) and Prell Shampoo? Who thinks that absolutely everyone wants to hear absolutely everything about Jimmy’s orange belt test (aced it!) or Kimmy’s freshman year in high school (all pistons firing!).
The truth is this kind of letter should only be sent to grandma and grandpa, the only two people who will really appreciate it. Call me scrooge, but enough already!
Signed,
Scrooge
Dear Scrooge,
If you don’t know it by now, l will let you in on a little secret. When people have children, they believe one of two things (and quite possibly both). One, they are the first person ever to go through childbirth, child rearing, sleep issues, mystery illnesses, etc. Two, the way they are parenting is the best way, the only way, the way that will guarantee a healthy, happy family system. I know because I did!
So, when I need a good laugh, I look back on this and giggle to (and at) myself. Having said that, I have never sent out a holiday letter, but I do receive quite a few, some so saccharine, they could give you diabetes. But, people cannot be stopped from oversharing, particularly in this era of endemic oversharing.
While I agree these cards are presumptuous and cloying, I’ve also been known to enjoy some (albeit just a few) of the annual updates. Which is all to say, you are not going to beat them. And it doesn’t sound like you’re going to join them, so how about just plain ignoring them? As someone wiser than me once said, it’s bliss.
Dear Gabby,
How do you gently convince your loved ones to give “experience” gifts as opposed to material gifts? As the holiday season rolls along, I find myself cringing with the impending onslaught of stuff that will arrive in our home from our extended family. I have recently spent countless hours sorting through our belongings and schlepping things to the donation center, and am not enthused about repeating that process.
I appreciate the thoughtfulness of our gift-givers and absolutely love their generosity and kindness. But experiences will be so much more welcome.
Signed,
Bah humbug gift receiver
Dear Humbug,
Unfortunately, we cannot control other people when it comes to gift giving. We have to appreciate the care that went into the gift we receive (and write thank-you notes!), even if it goes directly into the re-gift/recycle bin.
However! I do believe that you can write to your extended family and say something like, “Dear Sam and Martha, as the holidays approach, we are feeling very grateful for all that we have. In fact, we have more than we need at a time when so many could use a helping hand. This season, we will be giving gifts of donations to worthy causes in lieu of material gifts (except for children). We believe it will go much farther toward making our world a better place. We hope that if you would like to give gifts to our family this year, you will consider doing the same. It would mean so much to us. Happy holidays!”
This doesn’t explicitly address “experiential” gifts but to add that in a note seems too explicit and self-serving to me. Good causes and actually the entire universe — sagging, exhausted, Covid-weary and holiday-ed out — says thank you.
Dear Gabby,
My dog is fourteen and her health is starting to fail. For now, she’s fine but I can see that the end could be near. That is going to be very hard on my kids, even though they are older and out of the house. I don’t believe in spending your life’s savings for your pet, but now that she is so elderly, I want to make the rest of her days as comfortable as possible. I’m also wondering how I might be able to memorialize her one day. Any thoughts welcome.
Signed,
Right by her
Dear Right,
So sorry that you will be saying goodbye to your loyal friend of so many years soon. There is nothing, nothing, nothing like having a dog in your life. And don’t worry, we all say things like “I would never do that!” only to find ourselves years later doing exactly that.
A few thoughts: hopefully your dog will die peacefully in her sleep, but if not, there are vets who will come to your house to put your dog down so that you don’t have to bring her into a cold, sterile office. Of course this is costly. If you want to have your pet cremated (also costly) you can bury her ashes and plant a tree in the same spot in her honor. You can also put together some photos for a book that will remind you of her when she’s gone.
Obviously, the important part is that her memory will always be with you and your family. Because of your foresight in getting a dog when your kids were little, they may become dog owners when they get settled. They will be better off and their kids (should they have them) will be better off, all because of your fourteen-year-old pooch. We owe an awful lot to these gorgeous, loyal, hysterical, beautiful animals.
Dear Gabby appears in the RoundTable every Monday. Yes, Gabby is an advice columnist – but not just any advice columnist. Because that would be boring! Gabby combines wisdom with wit. And a pinch of snark. She is not a trained therapist by any means, but has seen and loved many in her day. Her aim is to make you think while she makes you laugh. Gabby welcomes all questions and queries and is only too happy to hear your opinion, no matter how much it may diverge from hers. Write to Gabby at news@evanstonroundtable.com.
Re the letters from those who have had a good year and like to have you know it…at least you hear from folks once a year, many are not so fortunate!