Happy Holidays! Thinking about a hairy bundle of joy as a memorable, long-lasting gift?
Go for it. However, as you consider a pooch purchase – or, better yet, adoption – you need to know the inside poop (figuratively and, alas, literally) about canine conservatorship. Here are a few things to consider before signing up:
They are expensive: High-quality food and treats (worth it for your dog’s health and longevity). Vet bills in the hundreds, if not thousands of dollars. Toys and beds, leashes, collars etc. Vacationing and can’t take the dogs? Boarding/dog sitting costs rival low-end hotel chain prices.
They are dirty, generally: Even cute little house dogs aren’t always minty fresh. Regular bathing and grooming are a must (add $70-plus every six weeks to costs above). Dogs love intense smells, and constantly roll in them to bring olfactory souvenirs to your pristine bedroom. They seem to think it’s a gift, so be appreciative. Floor coverings will become your bane. Dark carpet hides muddy footprints and accidents but showcases the shedding of light-colored fur. In any case, you’ll clean constantly. Pray you avoid fleas or you’ll need to replace your furniture.
They are kinda dumb: Not your Angel Muffin, of course, but many lovely dogs suffer brain fog. As I write this, our golden has been sitting with a tennis ball in her mouth, unmoving, staring at the wall, for the last 18 minutes.
They are destructive: Dogs will inevitably find things you prize and destroy them. Bigger dogs can vaporize grandma’s heirloom holiday ornament with a tail swipe. “The dog ate my homework” – that is real. And kiss your lawn goodbye. The pee spots are bad enough, but there is nothing worse than a digger dog. They are swift, stealthy and stubborn. I’ve seen our neighbors’ lab claw a three-foot deep hole in less than a minute. And every time we optimistically and stupidly refill it with a bag of topsoil, he’s right back at it. Meanwhile, our two dogs cut their own divots feinting and dodging during their playfight rumbles.
They love scampering vermin: It’s the canine instinct – stronger for some than others – to chase what moves. So get ready for every walk, every afternoon on the patio, every moment in a room with a window, to be noisily interrupted by their frenzied desire to get that squirrel, rabbit or skunk. Buy the strongest skunk de-stinker you can find. I think dogs secretly like to get skunked. They are so scent-sensitive that snorting skunk must be a super high. They do it over and over – they must know what’s coming. The smell of skunk can linger in your house for months. Many dogs tend to kill things, usually playfully, and bring the bodies to you, their pack leader. Sometimes these poor creatures are only near death, and you get to apply the coup de grace.
They break hearts: You will probably outlive your dog. Losing a dog is devastating to everyone in the family, especially if you have to make the wrenching decision to euthanize. So, you have that to look forward to – and the pain lingers. You will grow to be intensely in love with your dog. That is certain.
This list only scratches the surface (which dogs will do, too). Think carefully before taking the plunge, and remember the golden rule of acquiring a pet at the holidays: All sales and adoptions should be final. No Returns. Dogs come with annoying, maddening behaviors, just like people. But, just like people, their capacity to give love and joy is boundless.
By Lyon H. Reedy