I’m on a premium dating app and my boss came up on it and swiped right on me, which makes me want to retch. What should I do?
Go directly to HR, do not pass Go, do not collect $200. Any boss of any gender identity should know not to swipe right on their employee’s profile on a dating app. Have people learned nothing from names like Weinstein? Apparently not, as people’s brains go out the window where love/lust is concerned, which is very concerning.
If your boss says anything to you, tell him his advances are unwanted, march back to HR and document, document, document. Tell friends and co-workers, take screen shots, make copies of relevant documents. Hopefully you won’t need them, but if you do, you got ‘em in your back pocket. And for God’s sake, swipe left!
My roommate has a Peloton in the living room, which she put in front of the window. I think it’s ugly and reminds me of my own strained relationship with exercise. Plus, she didn’t ask! How do I tell her I want it out?
Pet peeve: Peloton!
Dear Pet Peeve,
Does your roommate communicate by mooing? Because it sounds like she was raised in a barn. Rude! It never fails to surprise me how unaware people are of how their actions affect other people. Like someone I may be married to, who used to walk into the kitchen and start watching the news or football on his computer without headphones, as though everyone was dying to listen to Joe Manchin’s latest stunt or the next playoff game (of any sport). Annoying! Also, I’ve said it before but obviously it bears repeating: no one gives a s**t about anyone else’s workout!
Regardless of her inconsiderate actions, however, your roommate is probably a pretty bad mind reader (and thank God!). So you are going to have to say something, as in, “Would you mind putting the Peloton in your room, so that our communal space stays a little less cluttered?” Hopefully that will be enough to get her to move it. If not, just tell it like it is, “The location of the Peloton isn’t working for me.”
Good luck. If a polite ask doesn’t work, give ol’ passive aggressiveness a try! Find the most obnoxious Richard Simmons video on Youtube, crank up the volume and work those abs in the middle of the living room during one of her conference calls. And then bid that Peloton adieu.
My paternal grandpa died recently. My boyfriend of four years wasn’t sure how to express his sympathy, and my mom ended up upset that he did not text my dad to offer his condolences. Is that reasonable?
Caught in the middle
So much to unwrap here. First, so sorry to hear about your grandpa! It’s very sad to lose a member of your family.
There is a lot of information missing from your letter. Such as, did your boyfriend come with you to the funeral if there was one? Did he ever speak with your dad about your grandpa’s death? Not to disparage your mom but this is really your dad’s issue, not hers, and it sounds like your dad isn’t all that upset about it.
So, I would say no, it is not reasonable. To give your mom’s argument some props, however, I would definitely find it a little weird if your boyfriend said nothing to anyone in the family about your grandpa’s death. But, assuming he was of comfort to you, and assuming your dad can and will tell your boyfriend if he’s upset, I’d let it be and ask your mom to do the same.
Lifecycle events can bring out the worst in people. Always good to give people the benefit of the doubt if you can. If not, as Dorothy Parker so famously said, come sit by me.
Dear Gabby appears in the RoundTable every Monday. Yes, Gabby is an advice columnist – but not just any advice columnist. Because that would be boring! Gabby combines wisdom with wit. And a pinch of snark. She is not a trained therapist by any means, but has seen and loved many in her day. Her aim is to make you think while she makes you laugh. Gabby welcomes all questions and queries and is only too happy to hear your opinion, no matter how much it may diverge from hers. Write to Gabby at firstname.lastname@example.org.