Dear Gabby,
I’ve been working at the same nonprofit organization for the past few years, and it’s starting to feel kind of stagnant. I’m ready for a change but haven’t found any other openings in the same community-oriented field that I’m passionate about. A friend is trying to poach me for a high paid consulting position – something I never thought I would do. Should I take the plunge, knowing it’s not work that I really support or care about … but could get a big paycheck?
Soul Searching
Dear Soul Searcher,
Making money and doing work that you care about shouldn’t be mutually exclusive, but sometimes, unfortunately, they just are. However, nonprofits are often funded (at least partially) by private family foundations and individual donors who made a lot of money in some field or another – so much that they can afford to give a lot of it away. Isn’t that great?
There is no shame in making money, particularly if you put it to good use. If you want to keep looking for a mission-oriented job, go for it. If the consulting job appeals – or if you just have bills to pay – nothing wrong with that! You’re a smart cookie and will have to be the final decider.
WIth a big heart like yours, it sounds like you will do big things no matter which road you walk.
Dear Gabby,
One of my friends regularly mistreats their partner when we’re all together, and when we’re alone they constantly badmouth them. It feels really awkward but also sad because their partner is great. How can I bring it up without hurting our friendship or abstain and risk being complicit in the behavior?
Conflicted
Dear Conflicted,
Your friend sounds like a real charmer! There is nothing in the friendship code that states you must tolerate listening to someone verbally abuse someone else, particularly when that someone is not there to defend themselves.
If you don’t say something, it will drive you crazy, build resentment and be complicit all at the same time, a trifecta of misery. Many times when we are hesitant to say something we are scared that someone will be upset with us – which lets them write the narrative. If you believe you are right, and in this case you are, even if they are upset, you spoke the truth and the fallout will be what it will be.
Also, you may be afraid that what comes out of your mouth will sound harsh, but it doesn’t have to be. How ‘bout, “I’ve noticed that you don’t have a lot of good things to say about Punky. Are you always this frustrated by them?” or “You don’t sound like you want to be in this relationship anymore … Do you want to talk about it?” or “Are you always so frustrated with Punky or is something else going on with you?” You’ll feel much better after you speak up. No one is going to keel over, I promise.
Dear Gabby,
Why do people let their dogs lick their mouths? Yes, I am not a dog person, but I think that enables me to see this problem clearly. When I see someone allow this bizarre behavior, it makes me question their common sense and hygienic standards. What is the deal?!
Grossed Out
Dear Grossed Out,
The deal is that dogs are the most wonderful creatures who ask for nothing and give everything. Unlike children, they never grow up, never talk back and are always glad to see you. So, as a result, lots of people like to snog with their dogs. Granted, it’s not very hygienic. But on the other hand, I haven’t heard of a lot of people getting herpes, strep or mononucleosis from their pooches either. The good news is, if you don’t wanna have a dog lick your face, you don’t have to!
Dear Gabby appears in the RoundTable every Monday. Yes, Gabby is an advice columnist – but not just any advice columnist. Because that would be boring! Gabby combines wisdom with wit. And a pinch of snark. She is not a trained therapist by any means, but has seen and loved many in her day. Her aim is to make you think while she makes you laugh. Gabby welcomes all questions and queries and is only too happy to hear your opinion, no matter how much it may diverge from hers. Write to Gabby at news@evanstonroundtable.com.