Is my daughter bullying her teammate?

Dear Gabby,

There is one girl on my daughter’s high school tennis team who was not vaccinated last year. She wasn’t going to be allowed to try out for the team this year, but now the rules have changed for people who have an exemption (her parents lied and said it was for religious reasons. It’s not.).  

The sport is outdoors, so no biggie, but a lot of the socializing goes on after practice and matches. The girl has already had COVID. My daughter and at least one other tennis player have immune-compromised people at home. I’m worried about my daughter being around someone who isn’t vaccinated, but also worried that my daughter and her friend may be kind of bullying the non-vaccinated girl.

Good Shot

Dear Good Shot,

That high school tennis team has a lot going on, almost too much for you to take on. I would say the one thing you can (possibly) control is how your daughter treats her teammates. If you are worried about her and her friend bullying the unvaccinated player, then my guess is that you have picked up on some bullying vibes. 

This could be a great time to sit down with your daughter and talk about standards we have for our own behavior and how we treat others. She may feel very strongly. She is a teenager, after all. You can also bring your other concerns (about COVID, about team cohesion) to the coach. She needs to make the hard decisions about who can play and how to keep everyone safe. Hopefully, you’re both on the same page, or at least the same court.

Dear Gabby,

I went for a walk with my neighbor’s dog (leashed) when we came upon another dog (unleashed). That dog lunged at us. To stop her from hurting the dog I was walking, I tried to kick her away and made some contact but then fell on my ass. The dog then lunged at me, bit my leg, and attacked the dog I was with.

At that point the owner came running and grabbed his dog, apologizing profusely. My dog was thankfully unhurt, but I required a tetanus shot (no stitches). In apologizing, the owner told me that his dog already had one report against him, and I know that another report would mean that his dog would have to be euthanized.

I have no idea why anyone would have a dog unleashed in any situation other than a dog park (and even that can be dicey), let alone after the dog has already attacked someone. I don’t want any other dog or person to be hurt by this aggressive animal, but at the same time, I don’t think I can bear knowing that I was responsible for killing a dog if I report him. I really don’t know what to do.

Between a rock….

Dear Between,

That sounds like a very traumatic walk in the park! Aggressive animals are terrifying. I am so glad that no one was seriously hurt (with the exception of the tetanus shot that makes your arm sore as hell) even though it may take you a while to get over this episode. 

Here’s an idea. In exchange for not reporting the dog, ask the owner to provide written proof that he has taken the dog to behavior modification training classes and completed the course. That should severely diminish the chances that anyone else would get hurt by his dog. Of course, these solutions are not ironclad. You have to assess whether you think this dog owner is trustworthy enough to tell the truth, and then make a decision you can live with. Easier said than done.

Dear Gabby,

It’s embarrassing to admit but I think I am developing a squirrel phobia. People think they are cute but actually, they are rodents who carry disease and an inappropriate amount of nuts in their mouths at one time. If I just disdained them, like all people should, that would be one thing. 

But I see now that I am actually afraid. I have to check my porch every time I go outside to figure out if any are loitering. I have to check the trees as I walk in the neighborhood. What if one jumps down near me?! I realize that I am now making excuses for staying inside, which feels like a slippery slope. What do you suggest?

Feeling Squirrelly

Dear Squirrelly,

Can you imagine what it must be like for the squirrel? Not eating all winter? You’d stuff your face too. It takes a lot less than sleeping outside all winter for me to put inappropriate amounts of food in my mouth, I’ll tell you that. Take pity on the poor squirrels who are more scared of you than you are of them. And if that doesn’t work, get a dog. On a leash.

Dear Gabby appears in the RoundTable every Monday. Yes, Gabby is an advice columnist – but not just any advice columnist. Because that would be boring! Gabby combines wisdom with wit. And a pinch of snark. She is not a trained therapist by any means, but has seen and loved many in her day. Her aim is to make you think while she makes you laugh. Gabby welcomes all questions and queries and is only too happy to hear your opinion, no matter how much it may diverge from hers. Write to Gabby at news@evanstonroundtable.com.