I just got a new pair of glasses with new frames a week ago and while many people have remarked on them, my husband hasn’t seemed to notice something brand new that sits on his wife’s nose. Or, if he has, he hasn’t commented. I’m a little put off. I mean, really? How long am I supposed to wait until I say something to him?
Dear Seeing Red,
Totally annoying, aggravating and frustrating! I hear you and would be equally miffed. At the same time, I would like to present another point of view that may soften your ire. He may not notice the new glasses, but that also means he probably wouldn’t notice if you gained thirty pounds, wore the same grubby sweatshirt for two years (hello, COVID) or had a numbered Swiss bank account. And you’ll probably never hear him utter these words, “You know, I’d really like to see you in a pencil skirt.”
Also, while I don’t usually give the “oblivious person” the benefit of the doubt (because I too find it very frustrating), their obliviousness does give you a certain amount of emotional freedom. As in, you can walk around thinking, “I hate your guts right now!” and he will probably respond with, “Can you pass the pickles, please?” Now that is a gift.
My brother-in-law invited me to a Cubs game last year – he has very nice seats – and I accepted his gracious (I thought) invitation and went. When I offered to pay for the tickets, since that is how I was raised and I think it’s the polite thing to do, AND his household income is considerably higher than mine, he didn’t hesitate to tell me what they cost and then happily accepted my Venmo.
Huh? Didn’t he invite me to the game? I would never accept his offer to pay if I invited him to a game. A few days ago, he invited me to another game coming up in a few weeks. I would love to go, but the seats are not cheap and honestly, I don’t want to pay for them.
Should I accept his invitation and keep my mouth shut, or offer to pay and run the risk of reluctantly shelling out a lot of dough, or decline the invitation to avoid the whole thing?
I’m afraid that you are going to have to do a little soul searching on this one. I myself wouldn’t go someplace without offering to pay…. and if you offer, you have to be willing to cough up the moolah. I just wouldn’t feel comfortable. However, to your point, I would also hope that someone who invited me somewhere would reject my offer to pay, unless it was made clear ahead of time that we were to go Dutch.
If you wouldn’t shell out that kind of money for a ticket yourself then just tell him, “Cubs tickets have gotten a little too pricey for me, but thanks for the offer all the same,” and see what he says. My guess is he will say “My treat!” But if not, at least you didn’t go broke buying the ticket, because these days at Wrigley, it’s another $10,000 to buy a beer and a brat.
My dog loves my boyfriend more than me. How do I handle this? Dump my boyfriend? More dog treats?
Am I a Heel?
To love is to learn to let go (cue violins). Don’t think of it as losing a dog, think of it as gaining a dog walker! Keep them both, teach them to heel, pat them both on the head, throw in an occasional belly rub and you’ll have them both eating out of the palm of your hand. Or a bowl on the floor. Maybe you can even get one to play dead. Not gonna say which.
Dear Gabby appears in the RoundTable every Monday. Yes, Gabby is an advice columnist – but not just any advice columnist. Because that would be boring! Gabby combines wisdom with wit. And a pinch of snark. She is not a trained therapist by any means, but has seen and loved many in her day. Her aim is to make you think while she makes you laugh. Gabby welcomes all questions and queries and is only too happy to hear your opinion, no matter how much it may diverge from hers. Write to Gabby at email@example.com.