Dear Gabby,
I’ve been going to a lot of weddings this summer. At the last two, both held outdoors, the bride and groom both tested positive within three days of the event. After one wedding, a quarter of the guests tested positive. So, what are the host’s obligations to disclose this info? How should this be done while keeping medical info private? And why don’t these hosts ask for guests to test first?
I Think I’ll RSVP “No” And Send A Toaster
Dear I Think,
I’m no Emily Post, but of course I love to opine whenever I get the chance! Having just come from a wedding myself (hundreds of people indoors, I double masked), I have been thinking about this very subject. I believe that if you are going to throw an event in the age of COVID, you are obligated to do a few things.
First, you should ask people, at the very least, to test on the day of the event and stay home if the results are positive, or they are not feeling well. Second, you should provide hand sanitizer and masks (and maybe some tests) at the event. Third, all the invitees should be notified of any guests who test positive in the days immediately following the event. You can do this without naming names, but if you get permission from those who are positive, I would use names so that people in close proximity can be extra vigilant.
For many people, COVID has turned into a big yawn. But lots of people are still vulnerable. For instance, my mother is 93, and I personally don’t wanna be responsible for killing her….even if that’s exactly what I wanted to do in my adolescence.
Dear Gabby,
My roommate really likes partying and drinking (too much, IMO). I think it is unsafe for her to get in an Uber or taxi when she is incapacitated. So, if I know she is going out, I feel obligated to pick her and our other friends up all over the city, since I have a car.
I’m starting to resent our friendship because I don’t want to be driving all over town, but the idea that something could happen that I could have prevented makes me crazy. Also, I’m a little worried about her substance abuse. How do I tell her that she needs to make safer choices?
Always Worried
Dear Always,
First, let me say that while you may feel responsible for your roommate when she goes out and overindulges, you are not. I assume she is an adult who is making adult decisions, however misguided you think she is. She is not getting behind the wheel of a car, and has already done some pre-planning by using a ride-share service. You cannot solve her problems.
In addition, many people do not take kindly to being offered unsolicited advice. However, said with empathy and concern, you might make an inroad, explaining that you are concerned about her partying. It is quite possible that she will brush you off, and after you say it once, that is all you can do.
Don’t drop your plans just so that you can be available to be her savior. Go out, live your life and have a good time. Just not too good a time!
Dear Gabby,
A friend of mine is taking classes to become a Certified Nursing Assistant. She told me that the program has (really) mean instructors who call the students names and shame them, and the place where they do their practicum (with elderly patients) is dirty and mismanaged.
But she also said that if a student posts criticisms of the program on their site, the student doesn’t get their certification! And if a student waits until they get their certification to post negative things, they somehow manage to take it down. Any ideas about what she can do to draw attention to this problem?
Concerned CNA
Dear Concerned,
I’m so glad you wrote, since this sounds like a terrible situation all the way around. After your friend gets her certification, she should lodge a formal complaint with the city where this program is located. She can also call the Better Business Bureau, the local chamber of commerce, the accrediting body of the school, the parent organization (if there is one) of the senior center – the list goes on.
These problems are unconscionable, especially with a vulnerable population. So, I say try every way possible to get the authorities involved. And if she suspects elder abuse, she needs to call the city and or the police.