Dear Gabby,
For Christmas this year, my husband gave me – are you ready for this? – wrinkle cream! The jar didn’t say body butter or luxurious lotion, it actually said the words, wrinkle cream! What. The. Hell? When I burst out laughing (better than crying, I guess), he was flummoxed and said, and I quote, “It’s the brand you like!” (Kiehl’s).
His second gift was a gift card good for 50 car washes. Fifty car washes! A little background here. He is a retired person who spends a lot of time mountain biking, and after one of these outings, he brings back a filthy car, about which I often say, “That car needs a good washing.” How he interpreted that to mean I am supposed to be washing his car, I have no flipping clue. But he did! My son and I were laughing so hard we were crying.
By the time we got to his third present, a lovely pair of earrings I had admired that he then went back and bought, the damage was done, and so was I. Can you imagine, Gabby?
Never living this one down
Dear Never,
Oh no, he did not! Talk about tone deaf! Wrinkle cream??? Hard to imagine a more clueless gift, save for this very true story: when my husband was young, he and his brothers went to their father for ideas about what to get their mom for Mother’s Day. His dad actually told them that she needed new aluminum garbage cans for garbage pick up. What did they know? They were youngsters. So they go get new aluminum garbage cans, put bows on them and presented them to their mom on Mother’s Day, at which point she bursts into tears.
But, close behind that story is this one: I know of one husband who, having failed to get his wife a birthday present, actually wrapped up all her current toiletries, opened and used, and gave them to her as a gift. Readers, can you possibly top that? I ask you. If you can, send those stories my way, I must read them! I am seriously wondering if there could be any gift-giving experience more lame, disconnected, ham-handed and sad. If so, bring them on.
As for the wrinkle cream man, no matter what this guy does, he will never, ever live this down, nor should he, honestly. At least I would never let it go. You should feel good, however, that your son recognizes just how wrong his dad was, and he will be unlikely to repeat this debacle when it comes time for him to give a gift to a partner!
Dear Gabby,
Maybe it’s Covid, maybe it’s just me getting older, maybe it’s something else completely, but I feel like I’ve moved into a new demographic/fashion segment for clothes and shoes. Now, when I look in my closet I see a whole bunch of (beautiful) stuff I wore and loved three years ago but will probably never wear again. Or will I? What to do with all those heels, suits and dresses?
Keep or chuck?
Dear Keep,
Boy, do I hear you. I have been wearing the same clothes week in and week out for months, without even bothering to put on a bra. That is how lazy I have gotten.
You know what they say, we spend the first 50 years accumulating stuff, and the next 50 years trying to get rid of it. Get a friend to come over and help you sort through your closet to decide what to give away and what to keep. It always helps to get a dispassionate opinion. Another idea is to get people together to have a swap. That way you get a few new things and get rid of a lot, all at the same time. When in doubt, chuck it out.
Dear Gabby,
We have recently moved to a new neighborhood; is it cheeky to reach out to new neighbors first? Or should I give them a chance to arrive with a plate of cookies?
Jumping the gun?
Dear Jumping,
There should never be a limit on goodwill! I am of the opinion that if you are so motivated to reach out to new neighbors with a chat, a plate of cookies or any other gesture of kindness and connection, you should go for it. I wish more people were just like you!
Dear Gabby appears in the RoundTable every Monday. Yes, Gabby is an advice columnist – but not just any advice columnist. Because that would be boring! Gabby combines wisdom with wit. And a pinch of snark. She is not a trained therapist by any means, but has seen and loved many in her day. Her aim is to make you think while she makes you laugh. Gabby welcomes all questions and queries and is only too happy to hear your opinion, no matter how much it may diverge from hers. Write to Gabby at news@evanstonroundtable.com.