‘made in china’: A poem written by Jayne Diversiev

made in china by Jayne Diversiev

I am an Asian girl without small eyes. 
“I thought she was white when I first saw her.” 
When I tell people that I’m Asian, 
Their faces blanket with a mask of confusion, like they were right, but I am wrong. 
“You don’t have small eyes, so I couldn’t tell.”
My skin isn’t pale like other Asians, but just pale enough but still not like other Asians. 
I’m not loud, I get good grades, and I do what I’m told. I follow others and do what is right. Although, everytime I do, I’m going against myself, all my imaginary fairytales from books that are about white children, picturing myself in that perspective even though I will never be able to have those opportunities if.. No, because I am Asian. No one talks about Asians, no one talks about Asians! Why is that not scary to you? 

My dearest apologies for finally finding my voice, white men. Stereotypes are so funny, aren’t they? How can you turn something against me like this? How could you? 
Well don’t laugh at me now, ching chong. 
And oh God don’t get started on how she’s over exaggerating, I know right? 
Asian girl, yellow skin, black hair, small eyes. Plays violin from 7-9. 
Ching chong and ling ling over there, must be math tutors. 
What did you get on the math test? 7 out of 10? But you’re Asian?
H-Mart is just a grocery store, why do you want to waste school-time on it?

Why do people of color discriminate against Asians as well? You, of all people, should know how it feels to be treated like an animal or something that has no feelings to be displayed as a circus prize. 
Clowns, with a big, red nose and white face paint, trying to cover themselves up because there’s no way they’ll accept me if I have yellow skin and small eyes. 
No one can tell me apart from my Asian friend that looks nothing like me, they mistake us like we’re twin sisters but we are not alike in any way. 
My friend and I met because of racism, we bonded because of racism. Racism isn’t nature, it’s taught. If you didn’t get taught then where’d you learn it from? Where did you draft the words to be racist? You didn’t create ching chong, or ling ling, or dogeater. You didn’t make chink. 

I am an Asian girl without small eyes. 
People think I’m white when they first meet me, sometimes I don’t want to correct them, sometimes it’s easier to not. I am not Chinese, I am not Japanese, I am not Korean. 
I can’t speak Chinese, I can’t speak Japanese, I can’t speak Korean. I am too white to be Asian, too Asian to be white. 
I am an Asian girl without small eyes, and I’m the lucky one who can pass.