Dear Gabby,
I have trouble sleeping. In fact, as I write this, it is 3 a.m. and everyone in my house is sound asleep but me. Any advice?
Eyes wide open
Dear Wide,
Oh, do I wish I had a magic bullet for you. Unfortunately, I believe everyone’s insomnia is unhappy in its own way. And unhappy it is! I myself have tried many, many ways to get a good night’s sleep, and many things kinda work sometimes but alas, nothing has worked for me consistently.
If you have already tried the usual suspects like getting off your screens, making your bedroom colder, blocking out all the light (an eye mask is much cheaper than fancy room darkening shades), going to sleep at the same time every night, getting some exercise during the day, cutting out caffeine after 2 p.m., meditating, melatonin, a warm bath, ear plugs or a white noise machine, rain sounds on your phone or a hot toddy before bed, then I would say it’s time to consult your doctor. They might suggest a sleep study to see if you have apnea or maybe some mild medications to help you sleep. Best of luck to you. Being a great sleeper is a gift. Having insomnia sucks. But, when you’re wide awake in the middle of the night, feel free to holler at me because chances are, I’ll be tossing and turning myself. Sigh.
Readers: if you have any secret anti-insomnia tricks, please, please, please send them in! Gabby will be so grateful. (Send your tips to news@evanstonroundtable.com.)
Dear Gabby,
We’re a week past Mother’s Day, which I realize is a made-up, ridiculous holiday that is great for the flower/candy/brunch industry. But, I have to admit, as a mom, it IS nice to be celebrated for a day, regardless of how commercial it is.
So, every year, I tell my husband what I really want: I want to wake up in a clean house that I didn’t clean, spend the morning with my children, the afternoon without them, eat a dinner I did not prepare, and go to sleep in a clean house that, once again, I did not clean. And yet, it never happens! Never! Not once!
How can I get what I want?
Deaf ears
Dear Deaf ears,
Brilliant! What a great, reasonable request you have made (and made, and made). My question to you is, have you tossed your request off as a half-joke or have you sat your spouse down and really drilled it in? If you have drilled it in, I would say it’s time to tell your spouse that you don’t feel heard. I mean, one cannot really pay attention to every single thing your spouse says to one, can one? I know I can’t! Maybe your request got lost in the shuffle of spousal selective hearing.
Perhaps when Father’s (or spouse’s birth) Day rolls around, it will be a good time to say, “How would you really like to spend the day, dear?” And then make a deal to honor their request, and request once again that they honor yours for next year. If you’re like me, you would make your spouse make a bet about whether or not you will get the Mother’s Day you want. That way, at least you’ll get some hard, cold cash to buy yourself a massage, which at that point, you will need!
Dear Gabby,
I was just at my son’s graduation from college. He and his boyfriend – who we love and got very close to – broke up about three months ago. So I was surprised to see them hanging out together over graduation weekend. But I didn’t know if I should have included him in our special plans for the weekend, or if I should have given him a graduation gift as well. As it happens, he didn’t come with us and I didn’t give him a gift, but I felt bad about it. What is the etiquette there?
Empty handed but full hearted
Dear Empty,
I would take your son’s lead in this sich. Which in this case would have meant pulling aside your son to see if he wanted you to include his former partner. Because if my mother had included an ex in my family’s plans without consulting me, I would have gone ballistic. Especially after the six years it took me to graduate.
As far as a gift goes, I think you did the right thing. As far as you know, they are broken up, and giving the boyfriend a gift would have just made everyone feel a little weird.
Congratulations! College graduation is a big milestone – but bigger congratulations for being done with college tuition. That’s the real feat!
Dear Gabby appears in the RoundTable every Monday. Yes, Gabby is an advice columnist – but not just any advice columnist. Because that would be boring! Gabby combines wisdom with wit. And a pinch of snark. She is not a trained therapist by any means, but has seen and loved many in her day. Her aim is to make you think while she makes you laugh. Gabby welcomes all questions and queries and is only too happy to hear your opinion, no matter how much it may diverge from hers. Write to Gabby at news@evanstonroundtable.com.